yesterday’s confusion is today’s curiosity.

“people with pretty smiles fascinate me. you have to wonder what makes them smile so pretty.”
(andy warhol)

it was over a cup of coffee a few years back when a friend beautifully articulated my then state of mind–static confusion. 

these two words together would define an internal inquisition to challenge life beyond my comfort zone; to test my inhibition to fly.  so, right there in the midst of a moving ‘parler à coeur ouvert’–the type of conversation that takes the form of a modern day Socrates dialogue–a personal manifesto of sorts was born:

static: to resemble a undesriable way of thinking i was intoxicated with

confusion: to encompass the clouded state of uncertainty i had been existing in

what at first was intended to help me ‘declutter life’ has in fact infused a free spirit, a true sense of self found through catharsis.  from scribbling in notebooks, to creative revival, to getting lost amongst bookshelves my inhibition to fly evolved into an ambition to soar.  my make-shift utopia had kept me contrived.

consider this blog to be an open journal.  an attempt by me to transcribe maladies and fantasies, poetry and prose … wisdom and words.  an experimental canvas to emerge from a timid reader to an emphatic writer.

the neuroscientist ben martynoga theorises that ‘practicing mindfulness gives us the tools to quieten the staccato bursts of the self obsessed parts of our brain that are so desperate to keep themselves busy.’  i take that to mean the creative mind is a fleeting instrument, playing to the beat of a mezzo staccato score.

today, static confusion is still a cluster of murmuring thoughts.  yet it has evolved to reflect the quiet confidence that this writer has acquired from her boundless search through uncertain curiosity … from the many conversations that i have had with myself.

june 2012 / melbourne

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