As I get older I feel that time isn’t something that necessarily needs to be measured. Rather it’s something that is to be experienced. Endured. Cherished.

For it passes the moment it arrives.

The other day was an important moment in time; a life milestone as it is every year.

July 24th is a symbolic day in my life. Both my darling sister and dear childhood friend were on born on this day. It’s also the time in the calendar when I introduced vegan values into my life. Apparently it’s also International Self-Care Day, which is fitting since it’s also the day I stopped drinking.

That was seven years ago.

In some ways it feels like many moons past while other days I can still feel the tequila on my lips, the impulsive regret … the shame.

There are several unflattering reasons why I turned to alcohol to cope and even many more turbulent decisions as to why I woke up on the morning of July 24, 2016, sobered up and decided to stop drinking. Those reasons and decisions are matter for another day. For now, I write freely to express, and reflect on, how I feel.

I use my sober anniversary not to dwell on what or who I was back then as I don’t think that’s necessarily fair to the life I’ve experienced. Instead, I use the moment in time to celebrate what and who I am. And what and who I am becoming.

Seven years is a long time to put enough space between the past and the present. And while I have never relapsed I have contemplated throwing it all away when my anxiety flares or when life gets hard and heavy, and I’m too defeated to reach for the tools that my therapist and I have trained myself in. In dark, weak despair reaching for a bottle is more tempting than enduring the pain with meditation, contemplation, and self-accountability. Just because I don’t talk about it doesn’t mean some days aren’t a struggle. But through it all, I emerged with newfound grace for my heart that once trembled, now beats with pride.

A life of temperance and the time its taken to forgive myself – and trust myself – has grounded me. It has nurtured me. It has awaken me. It has released my inner creative sister which took refuge in the shadows for way too long. She’s found the cracks where the light shines through. And she can’t wait to explore this newfound perspective that sobriety has gifted her.

I always try to find small meanings or signs in things. Apparently the number seven symbolizes fullness in life – a realm of completeness. Life definitely isn’t complete – in some ways I feel like its just beginning – but it is full. Of messy remorse and beautiful blessings.

It’s been a transformative 2,555 days and the year ahead – and life for that matter – will relentlessly push and pull. tempt and taunt but it will also honour and heal, guide and grow. I practice gratitude for the strength, resiliency and understanding that sobriety has instilled in my heart and head; mind and spirit. Throughout my journey, I found solace, a testament to my resolve. Like you, I fought battles and faced demons. We respond differently and attempt survival the best we know how. If you’re still here, I hope you’ve found peace or seeking your own resolve whatever that may look like for you. If you’ve lost someone, I’m so very sorry for the hurt and heaviness you may be suffering; for the grief you are navigating.

I recognize my life, decisions, actions, and experiences as my own. My sobriety is my truth and these blog entries are part of my story and not meant to be taken as advice by any other or intended to be instructions for abstinence. If you’d like to talk please reach out because I truly believe we all learn and evolve through empathetic listening and meaningful conversation.

Mad love,

Nicxo