today, i regained my independence. i made a decision with heart – my gut instinct.
i found a wonderful apartment – rustic, classic feel. small and warm. that feeling of home instantaneous when i walked through the door. exposed brick kitchen and huge garden patio. its exquisite. and its my new haven in melbourne. and my flatmate, she is just as exquisite it seems.
but the most empowering thing about this decision – this was all done on my own accord. no external influence. recently i’ve been emotionally distracted which as a result has metamorphosed my persona into this needy, socially dependent clutch. i’ve grown tired of pathetically wishing to be seen by a boy as something more. utterly exhausted being a sidekick, a pity project i am. becoming really irritated with my own annoyance with myself. irrationally impatient at feeling confined, not having my own space. of course, i was not in a position financially to stabilize myself when i first arrived and the life overhead to get situated here was more costly than i budgeted for hence the need to take two months to get on my feet.
which is why it is so refreshing to open the door to a new home while closing the other one shut. i will forever be grateful to my host friend for letting me board at no expense but someone like me – an independent, stubborn girl who does not like to ask anyone for help – i struggled. but at the same time – i developed a fondness and appreciation for my friend’s genuine act of kindness that i will definitely pay forward to someone in my future that needs a place to stay while figuring him/herself out.
so yes, i’m excited to move in. to move on. but also somewhat sad to be moving out of a place where i felt comfortable to be myself spending many of nights discussing life and philosophy and everything else in between.
i’m ecstatic for my new flat though. because i’m finally on my own.