last night was one of those moments where i wanted to reach out and just hug him, kiss him, make love to him.  after what marked my first day of reality in melbourne and his attentiveness so charming we watched a music documentary afterwards listening to the rain.  upon going to bed taking one last look at the storm outside he brushed past me and i wanted to reach for him, but rather i said good night and went to bed.  but i wanted to crawl into his room and ask him if i could lie with him, just listen to the rain fall.  but i just laid there, alone, missing lying next to him.  it has been a couple of days since the barrier line was drawn and despite the fact that there was never a relationship, never a break up i have this ridiculous emptiness inside of me.  a space in my heart where i want him to be.  and last night, i really just wanted one more moment with him.