back to the future 2.0 (the paradox of time).

i am travelling back in time today, literally.

on a jet plane san francisco bound i will arrive at the same time on the same day as when i departed melbourne.  i am not quite sure how the reversal of time works but somewhere whilst 28,000 feet up in the air, flying through hemispheres – south to north – time rewinds and with it so too do my thoughts.

for the first time in 18 months i am heading back to my home continent yet going to a new city where i will learn and explore one of the world’s finest cities.  i already know that san fran will break my heart what with its bohemian culture, tributes to the beat generation, vibrant history of harvey milk and allen ginsberg and jack kerouac fame, foggy bay, alcatraz haunts, trolleys and some of the best food and wine a girl can ask for.  while important thoughts these are they aren’t the ones i wish to write about.  rather, i will opt to write about the emotional overhaul that is consuming me as the plane passes through several time zones, shifting from dusk to dawn in a matter of moments.

my mind lets loose and then as if at light speed, relaxes….rewinds…..

…to a time when i was blonde but now i am a brunette.  back then i was tense and perplexed; now i am calmer, happy in my own skin.  yesteryear i was lonely whereas today i am just on my own.  then too i was clouded with self-doubt but now i proudly embrace the woman i am organically becoming.

i read more now.  i gossiped too much then.  i also cook more and spend much less.  of course i still like to get rowdy but just not as clumsy as in my reckless years.  i have come to understand that time does not stand still so we must play in the moment.  i cannot press the pause button to clean up my messes but i can rehearse a million times over until i get the part right. 

so, fast-forward 18 months  from the spaceless blonde that turned up over into down under to the bold brunette who is now fearless and courageous.  i’m not a different person – just evolved.  i may not be touching down in toronto for a little while longer but one of my favourite people from that chapter is joining me on the golden gate bridge where we will let nostalgia run its course while meeting each other once again.  only this time it will be in a new place and time. 

i am ecstatic for an old friend to see me in the present.  to show how much good my time away has done for my mind, body and spirit.  and to really show to myself the fascinating paradox that time is: i may be going backwards in time on this travel but all the while progressing forward.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Joanne Guarnaccia says:

    Nicole: I faithfully look forward to your posts in your blog and have to say you are truly inspiring. I love reading your words…they always leave me inspired to change in my own life the things that I’m not happy with…although I really don’t have the courage to go to the extent you do to make the types of gigantic changes you did and continue to make. I’m so grateful I met you even though it was in a time of your life you were not satisfied. I loved the old Nicole but am thrilled to meet the ever evolving happier Nicole through your blog. I hope we meet again one day when you decide to visit home. Have never left a reply but was inspired to do so today. Anna sends you hugs and kisses. We sure do miss you and will never forget what you did for “A Glitter of Hope”. I’m not sure if you know, we are no longer at TGH because the program was stopped. We are not even sure the true reason why but, we are hopeful they will let us return. A Lot of people have requested our return and have complained that we are no longer selling there. We miss you and wish you happiness. xoxoxo Joanne Guarnaccia

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