tis january so of course it is only fitting to continue to write about resolutions, contemplations.  ambitions and dreams.  yep, tis the middle of january and unlike the frenzy of words that were uploaded at the strike of midnight 14 days ago this writer is just coming to surface with her words.  her dreams for the year to be.

i think i abandoned resolutions the year i left up over for down under.  the year was 2010.  time for me indeed was a changin’ (shout out to bob dylan).  it dawned on me, one of those profound moments of self-professed wisdom, that a new year is not about an opportunity to resolve the past or a launching pad for new decisions; rather, a new year is a simple continuum of the life we are leading, the air we are breathing.  i consider it to be a personal epoch of sorts, “a simple harmonic motion in time which elapses [another] till the moving point first comes to its greatest elongation in the direction reckoned as positive” (to paraphrase physicist w. thompson and p.g. tait–or lightly so).  in other words, a new year is a positive eclipse of the present past.

with this frame of mind boldly embedded, i transitioned from writing a list of overstated, romantic resolutions to a simple selection of word(s) that would become my life theme–my motivational mantra–for the 365 days to come.  my catalogue so far:

• 2010: courage
• 2011 conflict and contradiction
• 2012: nesting

i won’t go into the meaning of each as they are something of yesteryear now.  my character has grown since then.  however, should you be curious i am sure i have a rambled definition of each somewhere in here (search the calendar on the right sidebar, december of each year).  in fact, 2010 life’s theme courage moved me to start this blog.  to write out loud my words.

ok, so what about 2013 you ask?  well, i’ve had its theme tucked away in  my pocket for a little while now … VULNERABILITY.  tis fitting for the year of the snake too–to shed my possessions, grow a new skin.  to start anew.  but it wasn’t a snake that set the course to be vulnerable this year.  quite the contrary as it was the majestic peacock that intrigued, to open my exotic wings–neither to fly nor soar as i’ve done both before–but to be naked, acceptably exposed. i found this beautiful definition about the meaning of a peacock in an article titled symbolism of animals in buddhism by ven. jampa choskyi:

In a general sense peacocks are a symbol of openness and acceptance. In Christianity the peacock is a symbol of immortality. In Mesopotamia appeared a symbolic representation of a tree flanked by two peacocks, which is said to symbolise the dualistic mind and the absolute unity. In Hinduism the patterns of the peacocks feathers, resembling eyes, symbolise and stars. In buddhism they symbolise wisdom.

Peacocks are said to have the ability of eating poisonous plants without being affected by them. Because of that, they are synonymous with the great bodhisattvas. A bodhisattva is able to take delusions as the path toward liberation and transform the poisonous mind of ignorance, desire and hatred [moha, raga, dvesa] into the thought of enlightenment or bodhicitta, which opens colourfully like the peacocks’ tail […] Particularly peacocks symbolise the transmutting of desire into the path of liberation.

delusion to liberation, yes that is exactly what this year is to be about.  like looking through a kaleidoscope–that crystallised mandala, circle of wholeness–i cannot help but think how lovely it will be to treat life this year as a white background that, with each twist and turn of its gazing tube, is filled with a splat of colour and shifting shapes.  incandescent light abound.

so there you have it.  a new year’s dawn, vulnerable rising.  vulnerable in love, in learning.  even vulnerable in losing.  but most importantly: to be open is to be vulnerable.  and when i give it all up, well, that is when i am sure i will discover it all. vulnerability … a  tumbleweed blowing alongside the yellow brick road indeed.