tired spirit.

i was asked the other day if i was truly happy being on my own.  without hesitation i said yes.  my response baffled the person asking the question – i’m not sure if it was due to the fact that i was so confident in my response or because she couldn’t understand how a “single 20-something” could actually be okay with being single.  independent or not, i think it is absolutely fundamental for people – of both genders – to spend adequate time in his/her life alone.  its good for your character, its good for your soul.  its good for gaining perspective of what you want out of a life partner – and your own happiness for that matter.

this conversation, as do most of this nature, concluded with me making my ever so known statement: i’d rather be on my own than with just anybody.  perhaps it is because i am lucky to have a life filled with beautiful love from family and friends.  perhaps it’s because i’m petrified of commitment.  or perhaps it’s because experiences with people make life that much richer that i will never succumb to ‘settling down’.  regardless the reason the one thing that i am positively sure about – i am happy being on my own.

especially right now.  my spirit, it is exhausted, profoundly tired.  having spent so much time in my adolescence chasing impossible lust to the formative years of my 20s being in a relationship that distracted me from the true kind of love that i had grown up believing in to this past rollercoaster year of blind, raw emotion, i’m slightly worn, a little wary – yearning for time on my own to heal and rejuvenate.  

dramatic as it may sound, i believe that our spirit can burn out.  especially when it is tested and tried in so many ways that not even the strongest of souls can survive unhinged.  but it’s that restful part between lust, love and loss where you turn yourself inside out, rub your eyes and look at the world in front of you.  with new clarity, with new-found hope, with romantic ambition to know that once your spirit has healed it will be a force to be reckoned with.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Kristin says:

    Great post Nic. I’m sad you’re doing your rejuvenating on the opposite side of the world from me but couldn’t be happier that you’re doing it. Your spirit is there waiting, and when the time is right it will self-ignite once again.

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